When we first moved here, I had a lot of conversations with other Island transplants who shared their stories of healing that happened as a result of living the Island Life.
We’ve been living here for two years, and I’m beginning to experience the island’s healing energy myself. Without even trying, I’ve lost the few extra pounds I had left over from menopause, and my stress levels have plunged.
But even good change is scary, so I’ve struggled to hang onto my old patterns of overwork, overcommitment, and angst over the many impossible undone tasks I set for myself.
Saying YES to a softer way of being hasn’t been easy.
I’ve heard that if you don’t listen to the quiet inner voice asking you to care for yourself, the universe will drop a piano on your head to get your attention. A weeklong migraine was the Universe’s way of dropping a piano on my head. For years, I’ve been overcommitting my time and energies, then powering through it all without regard to reality, let alone my body’s need for balance. Who needs rest, relaxation, and recreation?
Turns out, I do. I woke up from the weeklong pain-induced coma with a new perspective, as if the Powers That Be had decided to knock me down and keep me there long enough to download a long-overdue attitude adjustment. The migraine managed to erase those old tapes that say that I should be writing more, doing more, achieving more than humanly possible.
I know from talking to friends who’ve also seen pianos falling from the sky that my problem may be unique but it isn’t different. Highly motivated people with a decent work ethic often end up overcommitting to their detriment. It’s especially hard to say no when you’ve taught others to depend on you.
It’s a quandary for sure. But nothing is unsolvable, is it? So after emerging from the most productive coma ever (Thanks Katrina for pointing that out), I’ve been brainstorming how to do more with less, and how to prioritize my own needs.
Two years in, my old self doesn’t fit so well anymore, and the new self that’s emerging is standing up to those old patterns and shifting my focus to a more relaxed way of being. Maybe I should be writing, but I want to work in the yard, so that’s what I’m gonna do. Here’s the new self-talk I’ve decided to try instead of beating myself up for not being superhuman:
- Get clear about what you want to do, and set boundaries around those things. Devote time and energy to your passions, goals, and dreams, and say no to everything that doesn’t fit in. Practice saying no to anything you don’t really want to do.
- If you find out saying (or thinking) the word should, reassess. Because should you, really? Don’t should on yourself, especially about doing things that aren’t yours to do. Should is often an excuse to engage in codependent behavior that benefits no one. Don’t waste your valuable time doing something someone else would benefit from doing for themselves.
- Be okay with mediocrity. You don’t always have to do your best. If you need to postpone the phone, miss out on messages, or ignore your emails to give yourself the grace of space and solitude, DO IT, and don’t make excuses. If you have the bandwidth for preplanning your nervous breakdown, make out-of-office messages. But if not, just STOP keeping on keeping on while the piano falls and explain later why you disappeared. (“Sorry I couldn’t help; I spent the last month dodging a piano.”)
- Get happy. Do what’s fun for you. If it’s fun, make time for it. If it’s not fun but you really have to do it, hire someone else if you can, or do it quickly before it becomes a stressor.
- Take time for self-care. Put it at the top of your list, even if it’s just a token effort. Five minutes of yoga or meditation before you do anything else is better than promising to do it later and never getting it done.
- Do the things you want to do but don’t have time for in a different way that takes less time. If something is worth doing but difficult, find an easier way. Dovetail activities like making art and spending time with friends, or taking a class in town with essential shopping.
- Preplan instead of scrambling at the last minute. People will remember a First-Friday-Every-Month event, so you won’t have to chase people for RSVPs. Automate correspondences. Can you copy and send a group text you’ve used a gazillion times before? Can your respondents reply-all about the covered dish they’ll bring so everyone else can determine the menu and you won’t have to micromanage.
That’s all I’ve got so far. Do you have any great ideas to share for time-management or self-care? I can’t wait to hear the wisdom you have to impart! (We need all the help we can get!)
